I think it’s downright embarrassing the places God has to put me in order to get my full attention.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed from any of my blogs or (if we know each other) times talking with me, but very few inspirational places have been on a mountaintop or while I’m listening to the roaring of the waves beachside. This might just be due to the fact that mountaintops and shorefront vacation homes haven’t been on my calendar. . . ever . . . and God delights in teaching us “along the road.” (Deut 11:19). Unfortunately, my “road” has had me lying toes up in medical facilities staring at ceiling tiles this year.
Something I used to find funny and odd, but have actually come to appreciate lately is the scene-embellished light covers placed directly over scan machines, procedure beds, and exam tables. Someone had the brilliant idea of slapping serene scenes on these in hopes of calming nerve-ridden patients; to transport our minds away from the reality of the moment.
My last “visual vacation” was at my OB/GYN’s office. This particular visit was to clear me after surgery and to discuss the next one. So, with my feet in the stirrups, I stared up at glowing palm trees, set against a cloudy sky, and waited for the doctor.
And waited.
And waited.
I tried not to get upset about the long wait because I understand the nature of her job. It’s not easy. She has to deal with emergency situations on a daily basis. However, the particular position my bodice was in wasn’t exactly the most comfortable. And so, for the first time, I allowed myself to escape into the plastic-overhead-light-vacation.
At first, I tried to make out cloud figures… that didn’t take up nearly enough time. Then, I reminisced of CoCo Cay, craving for a pineapple drink to be in my hand. Finally, I just stared, wishing I was there; to be anywhere but where I was. A familiar yearning for a place I have never been started to rise up as I gazed at a pale representation of a destination I was sure to be transcendent in real life.
That’s when God spoke to me.
I most of the time view heaven, or rather the whole and perfect Kingdom of God in the flesh, very much like I do these one dimensional light covers: distant, lifeless and unattainable because I am uncomfortably strapped to this world and its painful issues.
I wish for it sometimes, yet have never really longed for it.
Would longing for it be akin to longing to die? That doesn’t seem right, but it’s where my one dimensional plastic view of it gets all tangled up.
Once I focus in on dying, then panicked questions haunt my thoughts.
Did I really receive Jesus or was I deceived?
Did I exceed the 70×7 limit on forgiveness of sin?
Was Jesus the homeless guy I passed a 100 times and did not stop for?
Will the deep dark thoughts that I push down disqualify me?
Will Jesus say “Well done my good and faithful servant,” or, “ You suck and wasted my time”?
These keep me strapped down, feet in the stirrups and vulnerable. Secretly pining for heaven here on earth has been a foreign concept to me I think because I have come to love what surrounds me on earth— even if clinging to it brings pain. Earth is tangible. Earth is familiar. It’s hard to not consider home. Staring at that lit scene above me ignited something within me, though. It drew me to a different reality; one beyond cloudy skies and palm trees.
C.S. Lewis once wrote, “God plants eternity in our hearts.”
I began to long for my true home.
My desire in that moment wasn’t—and still isn’t—for death, but was/is (maybe for the first time) full of peace and joy in the knowledge that this time on earth is just a blip in time; a moment.
It has clicked that if I hold loosely to the things of this world, I will, in turn, hold fast to eternity with my heavenly Father and family of believers; and that Father and family is and will be even more tangible.
I’ll close this one off with the words of Bishop Cyprian ,who was martyred for following Christ:
“We have solemnly renounced the world and therefore, while we continue in it, should behave like strangers and pilgrims. We should welcome that happy day (of our death) which is to fix us in our proper habitation, to rescue us from the embarrassment and snares of this world. And remove us to the kingdom of heaven.”
Hebrews 11:16
Instead, they were longing for a better country-a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
