So many factors go into having a good shopping experience. Money, obviously, is a huge one. Time, temperature, and companionship can make or break an outing sometimes, too. But for me, it’s mainly about inspiration. When I’m not that inspired, I just tend to wander around in aisles in frustration, waiting for the heavens to open to send a beam of light to fall over a certain item, illuminating its perfection. Unfortunately, that rarely (okay, technically never) happens. Instead, I get to test the integrity of my insoles and circle one more time, waiting to find the Promised Land of merchandise.
This was me a few weeks ago when I was tasked to buy both a birthday gift for my daughter and a wedding gift for a young couple in my church.
Lauren is not that hard to buy for because I have a formula that seems to work. Something that makes her laugh + something practical to use + something to “do” = nailed it. This year it was a tank top that says feed me tacos and tell me I’m beautiful, a water can filled with yard tools in her favorite color and a trip to the store to buy plants to help create a garden around her new home. Easy. Really my only challenge with her is that I have to edit myself, because I want to buy her ALL the things.
Buying a wedding gift for Daah and Matt, however, proved slightly difficult.
I realize that slipping money in a card is the easiest— and perhaps the most helpful—gift to give. But, you see, I grew up with my mom. And she refused to give money or gift cards. Even if that’s exactly what was requested. She had to do a personal gift. And, like many of us fear for ourselves, I am becoming my mother.
Normally, I’m drawn to a practical present that no one knows they need–until they need it. But because this particular couple has been on their own for awhile, I was really wrestling with inspiration as I wandered the storefront. Now, I’m not a chachkies person (probably because I have little space myself,) but I eventually found myself staring at a simple silver piece that said love. There was no beaming light, but something struck me about this. The object was heavy, solid, and simple.
LOVE.
That was it!
What Daah and Matt needed was a reminder that love is a command. Especially now that they are married. It’s easy to love when all the bills are paid, the trash is put out, the children are taken care of, there are no dishes in the sink, and one another is selflessly tending to each other’s needs. But when expectations aren’t met, there is underwear on the floor, screaming kids are in the halls, bills are piling up on the desk, and no words of encouragement have been spoken for days. . . feelings will ebb.
But that’s the kicker: love is a command.
A command is an directive from an authority.
And who has more authority on Love than the God? Its birthplace of origin is His very heart.
Jesus said, A new command I give to you. Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34
Luckily, we’ve been given the specs on how to do it.
1 Cor. 13:4-8
Love is
- patient and kind. (Honestly, if we could pull off just this one, marriages, friendships, and general relationships would be so healthy.)
- doesn’t envy. (Let go of all feelings of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, or possessions)*
- doesn’t boast. (Have you ever lorded over someone because you won?)
- isn’t proud. (Lots can be said about this, but I believe serving each other even when we do not profit fits.)
- does not dishonor others (by cruelly making jokes at their expense or manipulating them impurely).
- isn’t self-seeking (Don’t wait to be loved first, before you show love.)
- isn’t easily angered (Game changer. In a world where it is acceptable to be angry, this one is hard.)
- it keeps no records of wrongs. (Resisting to tally who cleaned more, who said “I am sorry” more, who did more for the other in general is harder than it seems.)
- doesn’t rejoice in evil, but rejoices with truth (And truth isn’t always easy to speak or hear, but we have to make an atmosphere where it is welcomed.)
- always protects (It’s a beautiful thing when a person you love protects you physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or spiritually, isn’t it?)
- always trusts (This is imperative for a thriving relationship. )
- always hopes (Very few things will lift you higher than the hope of the one you love.)
- always perseveres (It will maintain its purpose in spite of difficulty.)
And there we have it.
High expectations, low grace, and increasing demands will cripple us. It’s not love that drives that—it’s fear; fear of losing autonomy, the other person, or your own voice. When we love in a way that makes fear flee, we have the space to grow individually, as a couple and as friends.
So, here’s to Matt and Daah as they embark on a journey like no other, with 1 Corinthians 13 as their guide.
My mother told me that love is a conscious choice and when we commit to love someone we have to make that choice even on those hard days or when we just feel bad or we find ourselves really not liking the other person. Even though my mother is not a believer I believe she taught me more in that one lesson than I could have learned from 100 lessons.