The “F” Word

We hear it everyday.
Heck, most of us say it everyday.
I am pretty sure it is my friend Rachel’s favorite word.
I KNOW It is my least favorite word.
In fact, it is used so much that it has become trite – a means to move past a greeting, or an awkward conversation.

The dictionary defines it as: (Ad.) Informal- in an excellent manner, very well.

Obviously I am referring to the word FINE (what were YOU thinking?)

To me, “fine” has devolved into the christian “F” word.

Typical exchange at church, work, party, coffee shop, phone/text conversation etc:
You: HEY!!
Friend: HEY!! (Actually girls are more like HEYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!)

You: How are you?
Friend: Fine. You?
You: Um, yeh, yeh, Fine too.
IF said friend hangs out for awhile…two hours later you both are in tears, or pounding the table in anger.

Before you get twisted up, because you are a frequent flyer of the “F” word, I want you to know that I get it. Sometimes it is used as a placeholder until you can get to the deeper place. Perhaps, even, that is how you are feeling – “fine”-”eh.”(Although, “eh” does not fall under the definition.)
Most likely, you are experiencing so many emotions that you have no desire to word vomit, so you throw the “F” word out there as a bone, hoping that will be as far as the conversation will go. It is easier to placate your friend than to risk exposure. We all do it. We become instant accountants, balancing the risk against relief. Truth becomes somewhat irrelevant as the calculations of whether our friend is trustworthy, or cares, or is judgemental runs through the algorithms in our minds. “Fine” is a fast and socially acceptable quell to chaos rattling your brain.

I don’t get as frustrated with the people who say “fine,” as I do with us friends who casually receive it as an acceptable answer. In fact, if either Dana or I say “fine” we immediately become concerned. We “clear the boards” because we KNOW we are in for a long talk. Truthfully though, when I greet someone and they use the “f” word I push past it, almost every time there is a heart issue. Even strangers. The question here is do YOU really want to know the answer to the question..
“How are you?”
The answer to that question should mean something to you (a lot of somethings) especially if you are in a “closed door” relationship with someone. If you find yourself hesitant to engage, ask yourself “Why?” Have you become too self involved? “Busy” (we have addressed this)? Callous? Weary? Do you feel insufficient or unworthy? Are you hiding out too?

Pause and Ponder

Have you ever wondered why the Bible is chucked full of greetings? Heck, Romans 16 is a whole chapter dedicated to them. “Greet each other with a holy kiss.” is the only direction (16:16). Ha! I can imagine your faces and thoughts right now….”Nope! Done reading this crazy lady’s blog!”
Culturally, kissing each other as a greeting was normal (still is). Paul was not pushing the limits of their credulity. However, the addition of the word “Holy” was a twist.

Holy (adj)-set apart or dedicated for a specific purpose

Kissing may not be our normal greeting. To many it is, and that’s great. I , personally, love people greeting me with a kiss on the cheek. I feel invited into their life. Myself, I am a big proponent of hugging (no patting.) I can already imagine the talk at my funeral, “She always gave me a big hug.” It is sort of “my thing.”Perhaps you are a hand shaker or a fist bumper. I can only guess, but I honestly believe that whatever your demonstrative act of greeting is-it all can be made holy. Dedicated to the purpose of achieving realness and honesty with your friend.

Challenge

Greet your friends whatever way feels comfortable to you. If asked, “How are you?” Be honest. If you are feeling inspired, happy, content-share it! It will be an encouragement. If you are feeling everything but that- share it too. You will have to exercise wisdom. If this is a “back door shut” friend then open up. If not, share what you feel you can. I have found such encouragement from people who genuinely cared, even if I did not know them that well. You will be surprised who God can use in your life. Conversely, if someone throws the “f” bomb at you (still talking about Fine people) when you ask how they are, dig a bit deeper. Personally, I don’t ask “How are you?” I ask, “Are you ok?” or “You doing alright?” These questions lend themselves to a more honest conversation.

Remember, God’s agenda has little to nothing to do with our comfort.