Sometimes I have a hard time reading the Bible.
There are the usual issues of distraction–
the dog that demands being pet, the kid that only wants to talk once I get to a quiet place, phone calls, the need to check my notifications once I hang up from said phone call, the schedule that I am continually revising in my head, my desire for a snack, the cobweb that I can only see if I tilt my head a certain way, now I have to clean the cobweb and the whole rest of the house–
But that is not my biggest issue.
I have a hard time reading the Bible because when I read the stories, I picture myself being there. And when I do that, a painful awareness arrives that I (more often than not) could have possibly been one of the uglier sorts in the story. One of the “don’t-be-like-them” ones. I’m not necessarily talking about the big hitters like Jezebel or Potiphar’s wife. But, would I be like Job’s friends that saw all that he lost and make some pretty blind assumptions, thereby giving him terrible advice? Would I be the like the Israelites and bail on God the first moments of feeling hungry, thirsty, scared or lost? Would I have been a person who mocked Noah building a massive boat while expecting rain to cover the earth? And what if I had been around Jerusalem when Jesus was? Even if I had believed the wild idea that this man was the Son of God, would I have had the conviction and strength to stand up in front of violent crowds that like to kill people and admit that I followed The Way?
Read Numbers 20. It’s an odd, brilliant story.
Can we even imagine what would have been like to be one of the people in this moment? Here you have the offspring of the Israelites that have been set to wander in the desert for forty years, essentially waiting for their loved ones (the first generation of Israelites to walk out of Egypt) to die off. Then the way into the Promised Land will be opened up to them by God. They were grumpy, probably fighting waves of turmoil all those years. You know who else probably had even more turmoil to fend off? Moses. He was the babysitter of all these hungry, thirsty and unsettled 39-and-younger-year-olds (with the exception of Joshua and Caleb). And in his crossness, it seems he did not completely obey God. He was instructed to tell a rock to give out water (an act of gentleness, faith and leadership). But after receiving these instructions, in the midst of all the Israelites roaring grumbles of discontentment, he lost it. He called them all names and hit the rock. Well, you can imagine that that disobedience did not sit will with the Heavenly Father. As a result, Moses could not enter the Promised Land. It is sad, but understandable.
And Moses isn’t the only one who had to live through this moment. There was Aaron– Moses’ right hand man and brother. He also heard the instructions of the Lord, but stood there while Moses disobeyed. I am not sure if he knew Moses was going to act out. Perhaps he even inflamed the situation days, hours or minutes before with his own words, his own “venting”. Or maybe he was just afraid to confront Moses. All I know, is that as a man of God (who had stood in His presence, seen Him lead his people out from the crushing hand of slavery in Egypt, and more), he should’ve thrown himself between that staff and rock. But he stood there. In what way, we don’t know. But it was enough of an act of assent or apathy, that he was also banned from his 40 year pursuit. Imagine what he must’ve felt, thinking on this moment hereafter.
I think that could have been me.
Any one of these “characters” — these people– we speak of them sometimes as elements of story but they were people (our history) living in their present.
Had time afforded me the change, I could have been one of them.
Noah’s community were people that stopped “going to church.” They took their eyes off of serving God or others and looked to their own gratification. That could have been me.
And as for others…
Job’s friends were well intentioned, but misguided. They did not take the time to grieve with Job, or listen to God, they just started blathering on. That definitely could have been me.
The original Israelites saw the hand of God at work daily, but when their comforts were not met within their time constraints the way they wanted them to be– they complained, with no thanksgiving, no ultimate faith put in God’s authority, no quiet suffering as they waited. Yep, could have been me.
The new believers in Jesus were persecuted for admitting they followed Him. Would that have been me?
John Bradford, an evangelical preacher and martyr, when seeing criminals being taken to the scaffold, spoke {allegedly} these words, “There but for the grace of God, goes I.”
Ultimately (at least for today), I am not sure what role I would have played in other times in history, including those recorded in the Bible. Nor am I certain how I will face day to day situations in the future. Will I be a complainer? Will I trust the leading of God? Will I be a good friend? Will I let frustration get the best of me? Will I miss out because I did not speak up?
I don’t know. All I know is…
There but for the grace of God go I.
